when they stop talking
when one is trying to become a human, and not just survive like one, it means wading through endless self-help guides, meditations and aphorisms.
even when i started therapy for the first time six years ago, i was initially overwhelmed with 'little daily wins' — stop and breathe between tasks, be grateful for three things, walk on the grass barefoot.
when someone has alexithymia like i do, 'little wins' mean little-to-nothing, and the kind of apathy that comes with it rarely allows deliberate actions to occur (in any case, i did them dutifully, being the stubborn prick i am/was/am).
i'm always grateful my therapist kept that first session simple - he asked me to do a generic google image search for emotions and find something that affected me (i might post what i found some time).
back to the title of the post, and the current purpose of this blog.
one of the recurring pieces of advice for being less selfish is to pause after people have stopped speaking. it’s meant for both of us, i guess - they feel appreciated, and i get the chance to actually hear a sentient part of my circle.
it’s a skill i’ve never really had - i’ve always interrupted people. but i’m getting better.
i think i’m getting less reactive.