someone to miss
there’s not a cloud in the sky this morning. the wind is still sleeping, waiting for a little heat from the sun to wake it. not a sound but the overlapping chirps of birds i still can’t name.
i looked from scene to scene - gumtrees in the distance, the old tin house beside mine. cold wafted in through my bed socks and across the back of my neck. the stillness was deep enough that the bird songs echoed.
i’m proud that i’ve learned to open up, even in moments like this. but still, there’s disquiet, like something fundamental is missing.
last night i dreamt i went to a witch - despite my reservations - to unblock whatever’s been resisting happiness. it didn’t work. i felt guilty, and asked to see her afterward, to explain i’m a little fucked up.
we started talking - about everything. she was beautiful, but more than that, we connected immediately. the rare kind of connection where you don’t want to be apart for more than a minute. she had her issues too. i felt happy. not just in the dream, as i woke from it. even now, remembering.
maybe what’s missing isn’t presence or openness. maybe it’s someone to lie next to. someone with whom i can be still. someone to miss as they leave the room.