small town reflection
'you used to be a bit of a prick,' i heard today. this was someone in town who i hadn't seen in 18 months. i beamed inwardly at the exact use of this word, relatively rare in australia.
he noted that he had seen a real change in me since being back in town. i humbly thanked him and told him, modestly, that i'd been putting a lot of deliberate work into being more relaxed.
the conversation moved on, but the word prick stuck with me.
for the last little while my posts haven't been reflecting on that word - prick. but, i note that maybe the town has been reflecting on me.
and in turn, i do have the town to thank, though it’s been less of a reflection and more of a lens - one that magnified my behavior and allowed me feedback on how much of a tense dick i was (and still can be).
when i first arrived, two years ago, i was all over the place. happy when i got my way, a toddler throwing his toy when he didn't get his way.
it took a relatively serious hr complaint, that i was accidentally copied on, for me to finally realize how i looked to others - i could see my reflection, my childish behavior, magnified.
and what i did was to work on how others see me - the way i spoke, my body language, even the way i moved (always rushing).
it was this catalyst that helped me to understand that working on the symptoms will inevitably resolve the cause.
when i look in the mirror now, i can see a more composed man.