perspicacious
that stuff that happened in your childhood left you tense, looking around anxiously like a meerkat - but you learned to hide it well. you tuned it to being perspicacious - acutely perceptive, discerning.
like major hellstrom in 'inglorious basterds' - the gestapo officer who could detect the slightest accent, the smallest tell.
and like him, you'd play it cool with everyone who wasn't completely close, exuding confidence and wit.
but unlike hellstrom, you had no real accomplishments behind your roguish facade. under gentle scrutiny, it all fell apart - you came off as a fool.
and now, in trying not to be a prick, you're learning how to be truly chill. meditation, cbd/thc oil, diet, and deliberately not caring what others think of you. and with this relaxed attitude, you're getting things done.
it's kind of like being chill actually leads to the true chill you put on most of your life - the sly smirks, laconic comments, chuckling at corporate speak - all the while leaning back in your chair.
you’ve kept that talent for reading people, catching accents and tells - but now it comes from a place of genuine ease rather than hypervigilance.
none of that matters now. you're back better than ever. sharp, cool - willing to take that final bullet in the nuts.