missing the expat life
for 12 years i was an expat, living in north asia. i was younger, more handsome, opportunities floating around me like fireflies waiting to be caught and placed in a jar. life was exciting.
living in a homogeneous city, i felt special. i earned more money than the locals, so i could afford a cleaner and to go to bars and restaurants regularly. i could use the company driver and car.
that kind of life definitely had its perks, but except maybe my apartment, it never really felt like home.
home in the sense that i was building something for myself, building a future, improving society at a base level.
there were so many employees i helped with their english, supported them with above-award salaries, giving them experience.
however, that’s where the community spirit stopped.
i wish i could say that was the driving force for me moving back home, but it’s not quite true. i was struggling - emotionally, financially, mentally - even physically as i got older.
it was a long time after coming back that i realized that a part of me had been longing for a lasting impact - family, community.
this town might be boring at times - actually, most of the time - but there is a certain fulfilment in the little things. helping an elderly person recharge their phone or picking up an item for a colleague in the big town.
i still miss the excitement of being an expat. this is the part where i should close the loop and say it’s not so bad here, but i can’t do it - not this time. i just want to sit with my loss for a while.