etymologies
you are having a lot less trouble these days with your emotions - feeling, then identifying and accepting. in the past it could take you three weeks to process an emotion. sometimes never.
about a year ago, you found two things that helped, in concert with one another.
the first was body scans during meditation, which allowed you to accept that emotions cause physiological reactions. when you were shy, your face would flush - when scared, you’d shake, your heart racing.
still, you would find it hard to accept the emotion, to process it, without the exact word. and you're still not sure why this helps.
it’s like your overbearing intellect refuses to accept what your body is trying to tell you - which is nothing new.
the intellect used words, so you played its game and started using etymonline. finding the root of the word, its original evocation helps you connect to that primal part of your ancestry.
there’s usually just the two roots, latin or anglo-germanic. loan words for emotions are rare - you only know of ‘schadenfreude.’
perhaps your obsession with tracing emotions to their roots reflects your fixation on identity. connecting the roots of a particular named emotion connects you with your own roots.
there are some things you choose not to share with this blog, some things you feel you need to keep to yourself, or not jinx - you’re very superstitious. today you may have found an emotion you’ve been searching for a long time.
you need time to process this one.