when being agreeable makes you a prick
saturday afternoon, while shopping, you’d nearly missed a call from chill employee - fine, they’re cool, you knew he just wanted you to pick up something - some milk, as it turned out. you changed your ringtone to a sharper sound.
saturday evening, at home, you missed a call from neurotic employee. this time you heard it loud and clear - pointed ringtone, phone on the counter, quiet house. they definitely weren’t calling for a casual chat. you let it ring out.
you knew within minutes your instinct was right. they didn’t leave a voicemail, didn’t send a text. they were aware you had three days off and any message would be an undeniable trail that it was about work.
sunday afternoon - you got a text from sweet employee. you were on the phone with a friend for two hours and missed it. it was a work matter that they had handled, but weren’t sure they’d made the right call. you replied with a quick thanks, and left it there.
you’ve had difficulties setting boundaries your whole life. you thought helping people, empathizing, would de-escalate conflict - an essential survival skill when growing up in a household with a violent schizophrenic.
you thought being agreeable would get you what you want - a love life, a better job, respect. most of all you thought if you set boundaries you wouldn’t be that guy. but you were.
a prick is someone who bends over backwards. that person inevitably becomes worn out, destroys their sense of self-worth - becomes bitter when they don’t get back as much as they give.
you’ve started setting boundaries now. it’s nerve-wracking each time you do it, but it’s getting easier.
the feeling of assertiveness feels alien, like trying on someone else’s shirt.
but it looks so good, feels so good, you claim it.